


Behind Garden Walls

by euncheols



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Tattoos, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Language of Flowers, Light Angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, listen..... this whole au is a mess....
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 06:45:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6970465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euncheols/pseuds/euncheols
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feelings are made of flowers, but not all of them are free of thorns.</p><p>(Jihoon could build a greenhouse for Seungcheol out all of the flowers inked in his skin and even then, he still wouldn’t have noticed a sprout.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind Garden Walls

**Author's Note:**

> ahhh hello!! it's me again, eirin, your favorite predictable jicheol trash!! ♡
> 
> i'd like to apologize in advance if the beginning is somewhat confusing towards the whole soulmate setting, but i promise if you keep going you can understand it properly...... i'm so sorry i'm this mess of a person........
> 
> as always, i'd like to thank from the bottom of my heart all of the people that kept going with my nagging towards yet another project. a huge thanks to vi and clara who helped me through this mess with a lot of patience and unspokable sweetness. miro, my darling waif, who always sticks by my side even when i'm being annoying and gross sending the lastest jicheol gossip by morning.
> 
> i'd also like to thank all of the people that have been sweet and kind with me lately here on ao3, complimenting my work with the kindest of words (cantabile is shook!), something that made me cry a little,,, thank you so much for reading these!! it fuels my heart with good feelings and it makes me feel (almost!) confident at my writing;;; 
> 
> without further ado, even though this is a huge mess, i hope everyone can enjoy it!!! ♡

 

 

 _You are my destiny_  
_You are the gravity that pulls me_  
_I can’t turn my head_  
_I can only see you_

  
_You are my destiny_  
_I can’t leave_  
_You are my Earth_  
_You are the center of my day_

 

 

 

 **I.**  
_“ **Lavender rose** , like its color, conveys enchantment. It also expresses ‘love at first sight.’”_

 

  
  
The arrival of spring brings with it a festival of flowers. A phase of the year well known for its enchanting nature carries with it a bright canvas of colors painted across every blossoming petals, converting the once cold scenery into a feast of beauty and iridescence to the eyes of who sees it.

Unlike many other people, Jihoon doesn't think much about the azaleas inked below his right wrist, colored in a soothing shade of red. Azaleas, they mean the feeling of finding home, or so he read about it. He doesn't wonder much about flowers or the people behind the colored flowery images in people’s skin.

The thoughts of azaleas, flowery tattoos and soulmates don’t cross Jihoon’s mind until he meets Seungcheol.

Everything happens as casual as it could be, not that he’s aware of it at first. Soonyoung, his self-entitled best friend, being the social butterfly that he is, decides to invite everyone he knows (which turns out to be a _lot_ of people) to watch his long awaited dance showcase, directed by him and his dance class. So does Junhui, Jihoon’s roommate, also part of the dancing team that’s going to perform for the night. Deciding that moping in the apartment by himself when he could have a good time for a change, makes Jihoon agreeing to attend the event, much to his friends’ delight.  
  
It’s admittedly a chilly Saturday night, a lot colder than it should have been during this time of the year. However, Jihoon doesn’t mind, instead, he feels quite happy. At the blooming of his twenties, he still (secretly) enjoys the way his breath creates little clouds with the cold weather. It’s a pleasant weather to stroll around by nighttime as well.

He’s still a few steps away from the auditorium where the showcase will be held, but he already can see a mass of people outside the entrance, and while he’s not a fan of crowds, Jihoon is delighted that so many people came to see the dance group in action. It feels as if all of Soonyoung, Junhui and the rest of the dance crew’s work has finally paid off. It makes Jihoon warm inside with the feeling, genuinely happy that after so many rehearsals (Junhui spent at least three days trying to perfect a sequence), it was nice to see things were going so well.

Soon enough, he spots Soonyoung and Junhui talking with a variety of people at the same time. It’s amusing, Soonyoung running from side to side to at least shake hands with everyone he recognizes, while Junhui extends the talk, make sure people are doing well and promoting excitement to what’s to come.

Once Soonyoung sees Jihoon, he sends a hurried goodbye to the person he’s speaking to and drags Junhui to where he is standing, a spot considerably less crowded. Clearly Soonyoung isn’t having any of that, as he takes Jihoon with his free arm and leads him and Junhui to a circle of people, while he talks about too many things at the same time, things he doesn’t absorb amidst his blabbering other than “you have to leave home more often” and “maybe you should join the team”. Reaching to a stop, Jihoon takes a deep breath while Soonyoung enthusiastically beams to a group of people around their age. Some of them that Jihoon recognizes, while others he doesn’t – he can see Seungkwan, one of his friends he haven’t seen in a while, talking excitedly about something with Minghao and a few more people he doesn’t think he has seen before.

“Hey guys!” he announces, interrupting abruptly Seungkwan’s story, who in turn glares at Soonyoung with an unspeakable expression of offense.

Seungkwan and Soonyoung end up bickering while Junhui walks over to talk with Minghao. As they do so, Jihoon takes the time to scan the crowd. It makes him slightly upset that he can’t seem to recognize any other people, but he guesses it couldn’t be helped.  At the same time, the prospect of maybe meeting new people does sound exciting. He sees people of all different kinds, colored hairs with different dressing styles. Though, amongst the overflowing number of Soonyoung’s friends, one of them steals his attention right away.

Choi Seungcheol is his name, Jihoon finds out eventually as the conversation carries on. Seungcheol, who is friends with Seungkwan, who roommates with Minghao, who is part of Soonyoung's dance team. He thinks he heard this particular name out of Soonyoung’s mouth maybe once or twice and he’s currently trying to connect the person – a tall guy with dirty-blonde hair and strong arms – with the words. Jihoon might be wrong, but he _swears_ he sees sparks once they lock their gazes. His thoughts are interrupted briefly once Soonyoung exclaims that the dance team will be leaving to prepare the stage. Jihoon wonders if he should leave with them as well – that would save him from a quite awkward situation – but soon Seungkwan takes him by the arm, demanding him to “spill the latest news”, much to Jihoon’s amusement.

They end up sitting by the far edge of one of the front rows, getting quite a view of the stage. It's indeed a good spot and he feels he can enjoy the performance in peace, as Seungkwan leaves him to talk with more people. A gentle tap on his shoulder tells him otherwise.  
  
"You mind if I sit here?" the Seungcheol guy asks him in a quiet voice, which for some reason seems very unlike him.  
  
"Go ahead," is his reply, giving a sympathetic nod along with it. He doesn’t keep thinking about the person beside him at all and instead, Jihoon takes out his phone out of his pocket for maybe distracting himself a little before the performance begins. The showcase won’t begin in less than twenty minutes and he could take the chance to raise some rankings in the game.  
  
After a while he pauses his game, given as he ran out of lives. By chance, he looks to the side and ends up facing a curious Seungcheol staring at the screen. Once their gazes meet, the older yelps in surprise before breaking into laughter, which for some reason amuses Jihoon more than he feels it should.  
  
"Sorry, you looked so concentrated there, I got a bit curious," he says, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment, "Hope you didn't mind."  
  
"It's no problem," he says as Seungcheol looks at him with an expression that combines both amusement with traces of anxiety, so Jihoon decides he can relieve the tension a little with a sudden burst of confidence he didn’t know he possessed. "I'd have to hold a grudge against you if you were to mess up with my combo though."  
  
Seungcheol laughs once more, this time loud enough so some heads are turned at them, but Jihoon doesn't care enough to do something about it now.   
  
The lights of the theatre dim, signaling the performance is about to begin, but neither of them actually turn their heads to the stage until music starts blaring through the speakers. There is so much Jihoon doesn’t know about the guy that is looking at him, flashing a smile that could outshine all of the stars if he wanted to, but he’s getting the distinct feeling that there’s something special about him.  
  
  
(Jihoon is so distracted over the prospect of Seungcheol’s natural brightness that he doesn’t even take notice the small roses being slowly sketched into his skin.)

 

  
  
  
**II.**

_“ **Lilac** symbolizes youthful innocence and confidence. White lilac symbolizes humility and innocence, field lilac symbolizes charity, while purple lilac symbolizes first love.”_

 

It doesn’t take long for them to become good friends.

 

Junhui says they go along together nicely because Jihoon’s cool personality complements Seungcheol’s ecstatic one, while Soonyoung says something about zodiac signs that Jihoon doesn’t pay enough attention to grasp the words exactly. Seungkwan does try to add in by his own that he just have that kind of feeling of compatibility between then. Not that he needed an explanation for such a thing, anyway.

  
Jihoon comes to find out on the months that followed the dance showcase that Seungcheol, by his own, is someone extremely pleasant to be around with, even if he makes sure to emphasize the contrary. Jihoon does genuinely think that Seungcheol is funny, his laughter being extremely contagious, something that makes him end up laughing along even when the older isn’t being as funny as he thinks he is. Seungcheol likes dogs and basketball, he’s afraid of fireworks and spiders and he’s allergic to bees, which they come to find out during the unspoken of Bee Accident. Being with Seungcheol feels very close like being at home and Jihoon enjoys the feeling wholeheartedly.

At first, it was admittedly a little awkward, like every other beginning of friendship normally flows. Who would have called a person they have barely spoken to, three days after they met, asking them if they wanted to hang out for a while? Well, Seungcheol did. And with a little more coincidences between them here and there (they weren’t surprised in the least when they reached the conclusion that all of Soonyoung’s friends were mutual friends of them that didn’t spend much time together), they ended up inseparable, the weird duo of the tall raven-haired guy and the not-so-tall blonde guy on campus. 

Being with Seungcheol, for some reason, felt different from being with his other friends, like Soonyoung and Junhui. It was a different feeling, a good kind of sensation regardless. There was something about the way they clicked that was different than being with other people, as if Seungcheol knew how to brighten Jihoon’s day simply with a couple of bad jokes and a golden smile. 

Every day was different, and not surprisingly, better. With every sunrise and every sundown, their friendship grew, bonds strengthening between hearty laughs and sincere glances. As time passed by, the world between them seemed to become shinier and livelier in Jihoon’s eyes, and the warmth this feeling sent in his chest was irreplaceable.

 

During mid-summer, when they spent afternoons walking around together without a direction in mind, Jihoon noticed that Seungcheol never referred to him anymore as anything but ‘Jihoonie’. Jihoon scoffs and rolls his eyes at the cheesiness, but he doesn’t directly complain about it. He doesn’t say it outloud, but putting it lightly, hearing it from Seungcheol makes him feel light, chest swelling with a nice feeling. The daily niceties Seungcheol showers Jihoon with never fail into making him feel happy.

 

With that, it doesn’t take long for a small feeling – that for some reason reminds him of geraniums and columbines – to settle in his chest, making him innocently wonder what’s got him so happy these days.

  

 

 

 **III.**  
_“ **Gardenia** symbolizes purity and sweetness. They indicate secret love. They convey joy.”_

 

 

  
Falling in love with Seungcheol is easier done than said.

 

It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that Jihoon's wearing his heart on his sleeve, giving the array of daisies and gardenias expanding their way into his arms, thin layers of ink covering his skin delicately, as if they're graceful sun kisses, irradiating warmth not only under the cloth in his arms. 

It's cliché, embarrassing even to admit the way they revolve around each other like satellites. At least Jihoon thinks he does, as if gravity pulls him towards the other, as if he's the center of his days.  
  
He might as well be.  
  
Sugary words cloud over his judgement whenever he thinks about the older, feelings seeping quickly between fondness of a brotherly affection towards a romantic tenderness.  
  
Jihoon doesn't know when exactly it began. Maybe it did when he started to notice the little things about Seungcheol that made his heart shake and bloom ranunculus with the thought. Maybe it had to do with the way Jihoon felt like a sunflower bathing in Seungcheol’s sunny smiles. Maybe it had to with the way Jihoon felt like a jasmine, bathing in the moonlight gleam Seungcheol had in his eyes. Maybe it even had to do with something completely random, such as the way Seungcheol was so happy around dogs, often pleading Jisoo, one of their mutual friends, to let him walk his pets on Sunday's afternoons, since Seungcheol couldn’t have one of his own.  
  
Whatever it could be, Jihoon concludes that it doesn’t matter in the end, if the results always lead up to the same thing. The unmistakable sensation of burning, as if his heart burst into flames, and Jihoon knows that Seungcheol is the cause, as if he held all of the warmth of the world under his fingertips, and Jihoon couldn’t help but fall head over heels for it.  
  
Even surrounded by such brightness and heat, a cold breeze whispers uncertainty in his ears occasionally. First loves shouldn’t have been as difficult as they feel as of now.

As funny as it could be, it takes Jihoon quite some time before he can fully notice the permanent drawings of flowers in his skin. They’re breathtaking at first, beautiful and detailed images laid across black and grey tones beginning from the azalea in his wrist down to his elbow. Then, when the meaning behind them crash in his mind like tidal waves, is when the once sublime art inked in his arms becomes the source of a bittersweet sensation in his chest.  
  
There’s this little voice inside his head that tells him that he shouldn’t love someone that might not even love him back, someone that might not even be his soulmate. Jihoon stares at the colored azalea by his wrist and wonders if he’ll ever be able to enjoy someone else’s company as much as he enjoys Seungcheol’s. More than loving Seungcheol, Jihoon truly believes that thinking about loving someone else in his place feels wrong, impossible even. It feels ridiculous the way he truthfully gets upset at the thought of forgetting these precious feelings, only to replace them for someone else.

 

  
  
(Jihoon is a little bit in love with Seungcheol and the outcomes and implications behind of that fact aren’t as pleasant as they could be.) 

 

 

It’s a Sunday afternoon and Seungcheol has convinced Jihoon, after a lot of persuasion and pouty faces, to go with him as he walks Jisoo’s dog, Juliet – or Juri, since Seungcheol finds it difficult to pronounce the name as clearly as Jisoo seems to, and Jihoon doesn’t find that adorable at all.

  
“Hey, are you okay?” Seungcheol motions his hand in front of his eyes, catching his attention with a gasp, “You seem a little down.”  
  
For a second, Jihoon thinks of asking or maybe not asking anything at all – the unsure thoughts that kept conveying his mind every now and then – and just walk away from Seungcheol without looking back. However, a part of him that thinks that if he can savour the moment of just standing by his side under the sheer light of obliviousness, he might as well do so, even if he knows it’s not the right thing to do.  
  
So he just looks up at Seungcheol and smiles quietly.

 

“If this is another joke about my height I swear to God,” Jihoon sighs and almost instantly, the dilute tension vanishes in thin air. “You’re not even that tall.”

  
  
In moments like this, when Seungcheol beams at him without a worry in the world, his voice resonating over the moon and back in laughter, Jihoon believes it's a good thing that the older is incredibly oblivious about the way his eyes involuntarily soften towards him.

 

 

Loving Seungcheol feels strangely like staring at the sun from behind garden walls.

 

 

 

**IV.**

_“ **Daisy** symbolizes innocence and purity. It also conveys loyal love and ‘I will never tell.’”_

Soulmates.  
  
Once a person is born, they receive a colored flower tattoo that represents their soulmate, someone destined to life, represented by the flower correspondent to their date of birth. Along their lives, said person can receive other flower tattoos on their body, inked in monochrome shades, indicating the kind of feeling they have towards someone. This “someone” may or may not be their soulmate, as through their lives, they can only receive one colored tattoo, while the number of monochrome tattoos is unlimited.

  
  
Jihoon stares back at the monochrome lines in his skin as if they’re mocking him, and he has the feeling that they might as well be, treacherous little words seeping their way into the back of his mind, doing their absolute worst to him. He blinks once, twice, as if the words in front of him lit through the incandescent lamp of his room could change if he tries hard enough.  
  
Blaming himself that he shouldn’t spend his time researching about the damn flowers doesn’t change the fact that he is, eyes glued over the pages of yet another printed-out research about soulmates. Jihoon stares at the words as if they could magically change all of the insecurities that insist in making their way to his heart, as if they could magically subside all of the thoughts that seem to increase daily about Seungcheol.  
  
The prickling feeling in his skin tells Jihoon about the arrival of yet another flower, but he doesn’t give the satisfaction of the wretched universe of hurrying in checking out which one it is this time, confirming its meaning by searching on the botanical book that lies by one of the shelves in his living room.  
  
It’s difficult to believe that love can be as sweet as it is promised in novels Junhui borrows to read so often. There's bittersweetness hanging out of his lips every passing moment about the person who crashes and burns in his thoughts and he knows there's something beautifully wrong about loving Seungcheol. As if he's not supposed to.

  
  
So instead, they fight.

  
  
Actually, it's more like Jihoon fights by himself, he yells to the nothingness, because while he's stubborn, Seungcheol can be even more, blocking out all of his efforts of engaging in a proper fight.  
  
"It's something about you being a Sagittarius and him being a Leo," Soonyoung says during a rainy summer afternoon, once Jihoon storms out of his own apartment after getting into another petty argument about how Seungcheol ate the last bag of chips of his cupboard. Jihoon reasons – he doesn't have the right, what the _fuck_ , this is not his apartment and neither does he pay for all of the food he takes. Soonyoung laughs, that little shit, talking as if he knows a damn about them (he does), as if his knowledge about stars somehow could ease the dilemma in Jihoon’s mind.  
  
"What? Sagittarius and Leo, both are fire signs, these kinds of things are pretty obvious," he speaks matter-of-factly. "You're that kind of match."  
  
"We're not a match."  
  
Soonyoung snorts at Jihoon's pouting expression. “Yeah, sure.”  
  
"He eats my chips and I hate him."  
  
"If that helps you sleep better at night."  
  
Jihoon snarls, "I'm serious."  
  
"You _want_ to think you act with him like you act with everyone else," Soonyoung smirks knowingly, trying to pull Jihoon into a hug before the younger swats his hands away from him. "But you're so, so very soft on him, Jihoonie."  
  
Jihoon doesn’t say anything, instead punching him lightly in the arm, which earns a fake expression of shock from Soonyoung before he’s bursting in laughter.  
  
"See? You'd never punch Seungcheol-hyung."  
  
"I could beat the shit out of him if I wanted to."  
  
"Maybe, if you _really_ wanted to," Soonyoung smiles, "He eats your chips and instead of scolding him or kicking him out, like you’d do with anyone else, you sit down in the parking lot of your apartment, sulking on your own misery, when it's raining so much outside and you could stay dry and warm inside."  
  
He acts as if the dawn of realization is little shocking. It isn't.  
  
"You're really too soft on him, Jihoonie," Soonyoung adds for good measure. "You don't have to feel bad for liking him as much as we both know you do."  
  
Jihoon settles in ignoring him, but Soonyoung isn't dumb, as he can easily tell how much his words affected the younger, as they silently stride up the stairs back to the apartment, predicting Jihoon's mind is speeding miles per hour in thought.  
  
Soonyoung doesn't know what he's talking about, Jihoon decides with a huff.   
  
Once they're back, Jihoon sees more people than he originally expected to see. Not that he minds, though. Seungkwan waves his hand cheerily, while Minghao just nods with a smile from his spot on the sofa.  
  
"I asked Seungkwan to bring some on his way here," Seungcheol speaks up when Jihoon stares blankly at now the huge bag of chips sitting by his balcony. He glances back at Seungkwan, who just shrugs while glancing back to his phone, going on about something funny in the screen with Minghao. "I paid him back, I swear," Seungcheol laughs and Jihoon rolls his eyes.  
  
"You didn't have to," he says, almost shyly, almost as if he wasn't the same person who was shouting profanities just ten minutes ago and he distinctly hears Soonyoung snorting from the other side of the room. "I could live without them, you know."  
  
"It's okay," Seungcheol smiles, laying his head on Jihoon's lap once he sits down and he swears his heart fucking _swirls_ inside him, "You only buy the gross chips with no salt. I had to fix that."  
  
Seungcheol winks at him before heartily laughing at something Seungkwan says the next second, turning his full attention to the movie in front of them when conversation quiets down.  
  
Jihoon looks away, unable to pay attention to whatever is happening on the screen as he bites his lower lip in a futile attempt to hide a small smile from showing up. He catches Soonyoung smiling knowingly at him, an expression that screams "I-told-you-so" and Jihoon fights every fiber in his body not to stand up and kickdropping him on the spot.  
  
Soonyoung simply points at the small flowers beginning their sketch on Jihoon's arms and the younger just flips him off with his other hand.  
  
He looks down at Seungcheol who's beginning to fall asleep, head still in his lap. He refuses to accept the fluttery feeling swelling in his chest at the sight of him like this, his chest heaving with soft snores gives him in contrast to Jihoon’s state of hyperventilation.  
  
The small daisies that trace their way into his skin begs to differ.

 

 

 

 

 **V.**  
_" **Snapdragon** symbolizes graciousness and strength. Its negative connotations include deception and presumption."_

 

  
Night is beginning to fall, the sundown coloring the sky between shades of orange and navy as Jihoon quietly climbs up the stairs to his apartment. With an acute tinkling of keys, he opens the door.

  
  
"Thought you wouldn't be back anytime soon, little one."  
  
He snaps his head towards the source of the sound and to find familiar faces, ones that he really enjoys seeing, even if one of them is blatantly mocking him. Under the comfort of his shared room, he found Junhui and Wonwoo, a friend of theirs, sitting on the sofa. Junhui waves cooly at him once Jihoon catches his gaze, while Wonwoo just smiles softly.

“Was at Minghao’s,” Junhui raises an eyebrow in questioning once Jihoon speaks up, while Wonwoo stares blankly at him. “Seungcheol was there, too.”

“Ah, now that makes sense,” Junhui snorts before Jihoon throws his coat at him. Wonwoo laughs softly at their bantering.

Jihoon rolls his eyes and kick his shoes away before flopping down on the other edge of the sofa, cushion sinking in his weight. If he wasn’t so tired, he’d definitely have thrown some witty comments to rebound with Junhui’s own share of mischievous ones, but the aching in his feet speaks louder than him.  
  
"Is there something wrong?" Junhui asks, once Jihoon stops replying, as if he could somehow sense there was something more under the façade of tiredness. He almost forgot how protective of him Junhui could be sometimes.  
  
He doesn’t really know what to say. There are so many things going on in his head – the assignment for classical music he has been postponing for weeks now, the documents that have been giving him a headache in his part-time job, the person that can’t seem to give a break to his thoughts, laughter resonating in his mind once he’s beginning to forget about it.

 

Particularly, the latter has been bothering him more than he would have ever accounted for. There’s this part of him that wants to let out all of the contents of his heart, to open the windows and yell with all of his voice everything he has been feeling for Seungcheol over the past months, to rip out his frustrations and finding some source of freedom out of it. But there’s also this predominant part of him that feels embarrassed for the natural instance of feeling, his head lowering in bashfulness over the thought of stepping over his pride to let it out how he truly feels.  
  
Jihoon opts for staying quiet, to which Junhui doesn’t seem to press much, while Wonwoo still gives a long look of worry before slipping back to his book. 

Eventually he decides that sulking won’t do him any good and he stands up to search for some food, in hopes that there’s something other than chips and he laughs to himself at the irony of the statement, as if weeks ago he wasn’t yelling about it. 

Unsurprisingly, there’s nothing other than chips, and if he wasn’t so tired, he could yell at Junhui about how he’s the one to do the groceries this time. Instead, he reaches for his phone and asks for pizza – he’s too tired to go buy something and Wonwoo is there, so why not.

After announcing they’re having pizza – earning a big grin from both of them – Jihoon settles down by his bed, turning his computer on, in hopes to begin this assignment, even if it’s just a few lines. While he waits for it to load completely, he glances at the pair sitting by the sofa, smiling tiredly at them.

 

Junhui and Wonwoo have been friends for God knows how long. Jihoon is also quite sure if Wonwoo hadn’t have a roommate of his own prior to Jihoon’s acceptance at college and eventual moving in into the apartment, Junhui and him would clearly be living under the same roof. In a way, Jihoon also considers Wonwoo as his roommate as well.

Their friendship is also a source of amusement in Jihoon’s life. While they can have the loudest friends – if Junhui and Soonyoung didn’t know each other from the dance company, Jihoon wouldn’t have known why Junhui became friends with Soonyoung and his fellow loud friends – they were the quietest pair he ever knew. While they could be a little extra sometimes – Junhui with his over-dramatic expressions (as expected from a theatre major) and Wonwoo with his jokes that need a lot of improvement – they had a good, stable friendship that didn’t need a lot of talking to function.

Jihoon recalls clearly the day he first met Wonwoo, during the first month he moved into the apartment. Junhui announced he was going to have a friend over, something that piqued Jihoon’s interest. Back then, they didn’t exchange many words aside polite talk, probably because he had just settled in and they haven’t truly got to know each other. Jihoon wanted to know better his roommate and he thought the opportunity would have been good to such a thing.

 What he didn’t expect was for Junhui to act so differently with Wonwoo than he had been with Jihoon. While he could have predicted Junhui would be more at ease with someone he knew longer than a month, the striking difference of how he treated Wonwoo was alarming. It was easy to tell they had been friends for the longest time now, if the comfortableness of their speech wasn’t enough of an indication. Even so, the calmness and natural quietness of Junhui, was much different from the brightness from the Junhui who was speaking with Wonwoo. Seeing Junhui having so much fun and laughing so openly made Jihoon realize that there was more of the foreign man than he thought. It made him smile too.

Seeing Junhui so comfortable around Wonwoo made Jihoon automatically enjoy the presence of the tall figure with raven-hair and round glasses. It took some while before they became from acquaintances from friends, but when they did, the apartment became a little livelier. Although the three of them had quiet and calm personalities, it didn’t stop them from becoming a good trio of friends. It was quite amusing that it was through someone else entirely that made Jihoon get closer to his roommate, and for that, he was quite grateful towards Wonwoo.

With all of that in mind, Jihoon couldn’t help but feel bothered by the way the other two were currently interacting. For some reason, today they seemed different. Wonwoo still looks like the same, with an ease expression as he laughs at whatever Junhui’s saying between his readings. Yet Junhui feels somehow conscious about his presence, almost nervous, which is nothing like him at all – and the sight pulls strings in his mind that he’d rather not getting in details. Jihoon doesn’t know if Wonwoo can sense it too, since he’s acting as if nothing happened, but there was most definitely something wrong about them.

 

Getting sight of Jihoon's confused expression, Junhui glances quickly towards Wonwoo, who doesn't seem to pay attention to them, engrossed in a book as usual, before he looks back at Jihoon. He tugs down his shirt a little, eyes gleaming in a sorry twinkle as he exposes briefly a line of flowers that begins from his collarbones down.

 

“I just noticed them today,” he mouths. Jihoon only nods in acknowledgement as Junhui shrugs with a smile, as if telling him that he doesn't mind. 

  
  
There’s this sting of nausea on the back of Jihoon’s throat once Junhui and Wonwoo seem to share a long gaze, as Wonwoo notices Junhui stopped talking. It’s the kind of connection between their gazes that he couldn’t translate into words if he tried to, and for some reason, he hates it.

 

He watches the two of them bantering once Junhui leans over and takes Wonwoo’s book out of his hands, arms free of any traces or lines that could possibly resemble grey flowers, in exception of a tiny colored spot of a flower he can’t make out from the distance.

 

Seeing Junhui’s tired smile makes Jihoon think to himself why the universe has to treat them like this. 

 

 

  
**VI.**

_“ **Anemone** on a darker note indicates fading hope and a feeling of having been forsaken. On a positive note it symbolizes anticipation.”_

 

 

Autumn is soon reaching to an end, but not the same happens with the number of flowers appearing in his skin.

 

It’s not much of a surprise to Jihoon to eventually come with terms that his feelings for Seungcheol are definitely affecting him. Not always in good ways. While definitely all sorts of good things happens whenever they’re together, all sorts of insecurities creeps up at Jihoon whenever he thinks specifically about the undeniable fact of loving Seungcheol.

 

A whole month flashed before him ever since he found about Junhui’s condition towards Wonwoo. Even if a considerable amount of time has passed, Jihoon still finds it difficult to forget about the whole scene. The way Junhui’s eyes flickered at Wonwoo when the other wasn’t noticing, burned on the back of his head, and subsequently, made him feel extremely cautious regarding his owns actions towards Seungcheol. Being conscious about the situation, about how he just _knows_ he looked at him with the same kind of expression more than once, made Jihoon feel as if he was slowly backing away from him.

While it’s true that Seungcheol is indeed oblivious, he’s not stupid. From the moment he realized Jihoon’s words felt less expressive than they used to, a wave of worry came to cloud his thoughts every now and then. Approaching the subject is especially difficult, especially when the answers to his questions tone down between the almost cold “okays” and “nothings”.

It gets to a point that it’s even difficult for Jihoon to pretend that he’s okay with being around Seungcheol, the constant “what ifs” floating in his mind when he doesn’t mean to, creating a barrier that stopped him from truly enjoying the other’s company as he used to.

This situation didn’t go unnoticed by the rest of his friends. Usually, Jihoon would have felt bothered by having so many people invading his personal space at once, but the genuine concern towards him made him somewhat softer towards the subject, when it involved anyone but Seungcheol. Junhui and Wonwoo sending him worried glances whenever their eyes lay upon his figure moping by the house. Soonyoung pacing around back and forth in his apartment, threatening Seungcheol’s well-being in all ways, for hurting his best friend like this. Seungkwan calling him in the middle of the night to ask if anything happened to them, since he saw them quietly lunching the other day. It came to a point that even Minghao, who would usually walk away from conflicts, sent him a very lengthy text, reassuring him that if he needed anyone to talk, he’d be there for him.

 

And despite all of this, despite all of the ongoing anxiety preventing him to properly deal with the situation in hands, Jihoon didn’t love Seungcheol any less.

 

Days go by and still the feelings don’t seem to subside, in fact, they seem to increase even further, much to Jihoon’s dismay. He tried to do everything to forget about them and move on – but it seems like as much as he wishes to forget everything that’s enchanting about Seungcheol, he can’t seem to. It was impossible to ask him to forget him about the gentle memories locked in a special corner of his heart and truthfully, he knew he didn’t want to.

He went to dates, met new people and even encouraged Seungcheol to do the same (which he promptly refused, something that Jihoon wasn’t sure if he should deem as a good or bad sign), but everything led up to the same results.

Results of which were visible in his skin as well. The efflorescence of buds taking place in his skin was alarming, and if he hadn’t felt the need to cover them, now things were different. He’d be mortified if Seungcheol were to see them and to prevent that, he’d do anything. From long sleeves to actual makeup, Jihoon made sure the dark-toned flowers in his skin became less apparent as possible.

 

His efforts, eventually, came to no avail. 

 

He wasn’t going to see Seungcheol and he had no intention of leaving home for that matter. But then of course, of course the universe found a way for them to meet, and while that would usually be a motive of happiness, the timing made it become desperation.

Seungcheol walked in during a quiet afternoon, and the irony of it would have been laughable if it wasn’t so groundbreaking, walking into his door as he walked into his life, almost effortlessly. He did stop dead in his tracks in a middle of a sentence, about some bags from the market he was holding up, when his eyes inevitably landed in the flowers in his arm. The way he stared to his arm up and down, eyes scanning every inch of his skin, sent shivers to his spine and Jihoon swore he felt time stop around the scene unfolding at that very moment.

“Jihoon…” he took a deep breath to break the silence and Jihoon felt lightheaded at his breathy words. “Since when?”

He didn’t know what exactly Seungcheol was asking about. About his tattoos? About hiding them? About the reason behind them? Everything was too disconcerting, too intense and before he took account of his actions, Jihoon found himself pushing Seungcheol away from him, in a desperate attempt to push away all of the thoughts speeding in his head.

“I didn’t know…” Seungcheol blinked a few times before whispering these words, a trace of hurt and disappointment dripping from them, and Jihoon didn’t know what to make of it.

“You weren’t supposed to!” Jihoon snapped and he didn’t even realize it immediately. So many feelings were clogging his judgement, the apprehensiveness of it all making his breath come in short gasps, a mixture of anger and hurt making way into his expression.

Seungcheol remained quiet, but his eyes never left Jihoon’s. There was so much he could say with only his gaze, yet at the current situation, the younger couldn’t understand a word out of it if he tried too. There was worry, fear, concern, sadness – everything he could be saying, both of them, but neither dared to voice a thing.

“Jihoonie, please, talk to me,” was what he said after what felt an eternity and more, “I didn’t mean to—“

“Didn’t mean to what?” he growled – Jihoon didn’t know why was he so angry and why was Seungcheol tip-toeing around it, but here he was, yelling at the person he adored the most and he didn’t know how to stop it.

“Why—“

“You know what, fuck off!”

It took a while for him to register everything and connect the dots of the reality in front of his eyes – Seungcheol’s left cheek red and his left knuckle wincing in pain. Silence cut the atmosphere like a razor and neither of them knew what to do next.

He did tell Soonyoung he could beat the shit out of Seungcheol if he wanted to. Thing is, now that he did it, he wasn’t so sure now if he ever wanted to.

 

Jihoon sees the hurtful look in Seungcheol’s eyes before closing the door with a harsh slam and he wonders why he feels as if he swallowed dirt and withered petals once he did it, sinking into his knees as unannounced loud sobs began to pour out of his lips.

 

(Even then, he didn’t love him any less.)

 

 

 

**VII.**

_“ **Hydrangeas** symbolizes heartfelt emotions. It can be used to express gratitude for being understood. In its negative sense hydrangea symbolizes frigidity and heartlessness.”_

 

 

It’s finally the weekend after what felt so long and Jihoon is sitting by the edge of Junhui’s bed, as the latter watches droplets of water running down their windows with a bored expression.

 

Seeing Seungcheol during the week is as difficult as it could be, due to the unfavorable (to who?) weather, an expected never-ending pouring season washing down the busy streets, colored umbrellas dancing around the sidewalks as they make up for the lack of colors in the sky. During these days, Jihoon is quite grateful that at least for these situations, the universe seems to be on his side, excuses sitting by the tip of his tongue whenever Junhui brings up the whole avoidance scheme and asks why he hasn’t been speaking with Seungcheol lately.

 

It doesn’t help that the last time they saw each other, Jihoon literally punched the guy in the face.

 

He apologized after two days, two days of guilt haunting him in the worst ways possible. Seungcheol replied his text right away, almost as if he has been expecting it, saying it was okay, that he didn’t mind, that he was sorry too about what happened. Even after the apologies were exchanged, the weird feeling sitting by his chest didn’t go away.

Speaking of weird feelings, it has been a while since Jihoon last felt the flowers in his skin. He has seen anemones and lilies here and there on the day after their fight, but their presence were a lot quieter than the other flowers. He doesn’t know if it’s because he feels bad about them or if there’s another reason behind his lack of awareness.

Shaking away his thoughts, Jihoon looks up to where Junhui is sitting, and he isn’t surprised in the least when he notices the other looking at him with a gleam of worry in his eyes, even though his face transmits the epitome of calmness.

 

“You still haven’t talked to him,” Junhui says after a long silence, more as a statement than the question he was going for.

“No.” 

“How long do you plan to keep this up?”

“I don’t know.”

“What are you accomplishing by lying to yourself like this?” he asks and the boldness in his words surprises Jihoon. Usually, that would be the reason why he enjoys Junhui’s company much more than other people. While he loves to fool around and joke whenever he feels fitting, Junhui is also blatantly honest when he needs to be. Now that the situation is against him in a way, Jihoon feels himself flinching at the words he needs to hear rather than the words that he wants to hear.

“Nothing,” Jihoon sighs, feeling a headache coming, “That’s the plan.”

Jihoon isn’t looking in Junhui’s eyes now, but he doesn’t need to look at him to know his eyes rolling at his statement. “So you’re going to ignore him when you both don’t want this situation? Grand.”

“Hyung, I don’t want to be rude, but you’re not much better than me when it comes to this kind of thing.”

“Don’t change the subject, it’s not even the same thing.”

“It’s more alike than you’d think, hyung,” Jihoon stares at him, frowning. “If it’s so different, then why don’t you tell him too?”

“Jihoon. This isn’t about me and Wonwoo. It’s you and Seungcheol-hyung we’re talking about,” he explains calmly and he would have been laughing at Jihoon’s pouting face if he wasn’t so keen on explaining to him what he needs to know. “But if you want to know it that badly, I guess it doesn’t hurt to tell you.”

“The reason I didn’t speak with Wonwoo is because I haven’t found the timing yet to do so,” he sighs and Jihoon can relate too well, something that sends a rush of guilt into his chest, at the uncomfortable situation he made for them when Junhui was just trying to help.

“I’m not going to press you for it, hyung,” there’s another sigh, “I’m sorry, for yelling at you and meddling in your business.”

“That’s fine,” Junhui smiles reassuringly, “If I can keep sticking with yours, then…”

“Nevermind, get out,” Jihoon pretends to scowl as he rolls his eyes, before breaking into laughter with Junhui.

“I do mean what I said though,” Junhui says after a moment, “It’ll no good to both of you to keep like this.”

“I know,” he sighs one more time.

“So, what do you want to do?”

 

Jihoon draws his gaze back to the pots of hydrangeas by the window and the ones in his skin before looking back again at Junhui. His sincerity is one of a kind and his words shake at Jihoon’s pride a little. 

He feels a sudden shot of confidence, one that makes him think a lot about daffodils and transmitting determination and lightness in his chest.

 

“I… I want to be honest.”

 

Junhui is taken aback by the sudden burst of honesty from Jihoon, something that he didn’t expect at all, especially from someone who doesn’t look nowhere near like the boy who insisted in going against his true feelings just ten minutes ago. While he knew he had a certain way with words, he almost didn’t think that he could affect the younger with his reasoning.

 

“Not with him, per se,” Junhui frowns slightly, before Jihoon turns to him with a bright smile, “But with myself.”

 

Junhui finds himself smiling too, the corner of his lips turning up in both relief and satisfaction of hearing such a straightforward and considerate reply from the younger, who often struggles with expressing himself. He nods in agreement and draws his attention back to his book (or was it Wonwoo’s?) with a good feeling in his heart.

 

“Good,” he says, mirroring the wave of gentleness he sees in Jihoon’s eyes. He sees the younger’s shoulders drop considerably, as if a huge weight has been lifted up from them.

 

Jihoon turns away from his gaze, smiling to himself in thought, but Junhui didn’t miss the determined twinkle in his eyes, the one Junhui noticed he does with every little thing he’s passionate about, although this time, there was something different about it.

Junhui stares back at the book in front of him, trying to concentrate in the words, but failing miserably as his mind absently draws him back to someone else. Maybe he has a lot more to learn with Jihoon than he originally gave thought to.

 

 

 

**VIII.**

_“ **Lavender heather** symbolizes admiration, solitude and beauty, while white heather symbolizes protection and indicates that wishes will come true.”_

 

 

It takes two more days and a few cups of coffee for Jihoon to decide that he and Seungcheol need to overcome this situation by themselves.

  
He really means to take the first step to change this problem, but Seungcheol beats him to it, asking in a considerate and careful voice if they could meet up for some talk.  
  
Lying against a wall across the tiny garden of his apartment complex isn’t the most indicated place to have a serious discussion about something as important as feelings, but Jihoon thinks the place is for some reason, significant. There’s a soft breeze filling the emptiness of a weekday evening and the flowers sprawled across the garden feel, quite ironically, comforting. The whole scenery would have been remotely romantic if the situation was any different - the stars shone brightly in the sky, almost in mockery towards them.

 

“We need to talk.”

“I know.”

  
The air is filled with silence, because they both know there are so many words left unsaid, needs that they need to talk about and yet all they can do is stare to their own feet, thinking about what to say and how to approach the other in the best way possible.

 

Seungcheol takes a deep breath before deciding to break the silence. “Listen, Jihoonie… Lately, I’ve been thinking about a few things about you and I that I needed to tell you about.”

 

“Yes?” he says, tensing up in anticipation of the next words he’s about to hear, as if his life depended on them.

  
“When I’m around you, I get a feeling that I never feel when I’m with someone else, you know?” he says with a tiny smile, “It’s something special, something very important to me. At the same time, I’m not sure if it means something like that to you, though. Because of what happened the other day, I’ve been thinking a lot about this special feeling.”

 

Jihoon can only nod, the words he’s desperately wanted to say turning out soundless as they lie on the tip of his tongue.

  
“And because of this, I need you to tell me something,” Jihoon can see tears pooling in Seungcheol’s eyes and he doesn’t know what to say, as the older cups his cheeks with a grip that could be described as both strong and gentle, with a fling of something remotely passionate, if he deludes himself enough.  
  
“Tell you what,” is his apprehensive, whisper-like answer, voice quivering in both fear and anticipation, even though Jihoon’s not sure exactly what for.  
  
“Please tell me you don’t love me, that it doesn’t mean to you the same thing as it means to me,” he sniffled and almost immediately, Jihoon felt his own breath die on the back of his throat. “Tell me that all of this time, you never felt a thing, but please tell me so I can move on my own, so I can hear it from you. Just… Say something Jihoonie, please.”  
  
"What are you saying?" he says, voice sounded slightly harsher than intended.  
  
Seungcheol removes his hands from Jihoon's face and he almost feels regretful, almost feels like reaching for his hands and placing they back where they were, an unpleasant sensation washing over him after the thought of him getting away like this.  
  
The older sighs, before slowly rolling the sleeves from his hoodie. At first, Jihoon doesn't understand, but then his eyes land on a sight that would have been all too familiar if it wasn't in someone else.  
  
Violas, daisies, ranunculus, daffodils, roses, tulips, peonies, you name it, littering all over his arms. Jihoon can't believe the sight in front of his eyes, he doesn't believe that the feelings he has been harboring for almost a year weren't as one-sided as he once thought. Seungcheol, for once, doesn't say a thing, opting to stare at Jihoon instead, flinching at his slight movement.

 

“It’s been a while,” Seungcheol says, laughing bitterly, “I didn’t know at first. I actually panicked because at first I thought it was some very elaborate prank, but no matter how much I washed, they wouldn’t come out.”

 

“So I asked for friend advice and that’s how I realized just how whipped I was for you,” he smiled bashfully. “But then, I worried. I worried that you wouldn’t want to, that you were waiting for someone else. I mean, I don’t even know how this soulmate thing works. So I waited too, but I guess that didn’t work as well, did it? I’m sorry, I know this is sudden. But there it is. I love you, Lee Jihoon. You don’t have to love me back though. I just… I guess I just wanted you to know that, for once and all.”

A moment of silence falls between them again and Jihoon doesn’t know what to think or do at all. It’s a moment he wouldn’t have dreamt of living, but all of the evidence right in front of him tells him too much, there are a lot of things happening at the same time for him to think of a proper reaction. He sees the colored berberis flower in Seungcheol’s forearm and it’s impossible to deny that it’s _him_ , especially when he feels such a rush of feelings exploding inside him that keeps telling Jihoon that, he is, in fact, Seungcheol’s _soulmate_.

  
“You’re a dumbass, did you know that?” Jihoon scoffs, saying mostly to himself than to the other in front of him, eyes denying the tears fogging his vision as he scrubs his eyes with a long sniffle, "God, fuck you, why are you like this, I hate you so much, Choi Seungcheol."

The next thing he knows he finds himself amidst sobs, hugging a dumbfounded Seungcheol as if he wouldn't be there if he let him go.

  
"S-So, that means..."

  
"Oh my _God_ , are you serious? Can’t you see it for yourself? Do you need me to build a garden and recite every flower I get about you so you can get a clue of all I've been feeling for God knows how long?" Jihoon doesn't want to admit that he's sobbing too, a mess of a man, it's embarrassing and he knows, "I love you, so _much_ , I wish you'd understand it for once."

 

There’s a pause between their sobs, filling the night with sound, before Seungcheol hugs Jihoon. It’s careful at first, as if he could break with the slightest touch, but the older soon finds himself tightly embracing him, letting out a hearty laugh amidst his sobbing.

 

“That’s not how I wanted it to go, you know,” he wipes his eyes rather aggressively.

 

“Secretly I hoped you’d be more of the romantic kind,” Jihoon allows himself to snort out of embarrassment once the situation sinks in.

 

“I can try, if that’s what you want,” Seungcheol offers with a smile and Jihoon can’t even find the strength to reply sarcastically, to act like he doesn’t care, because he does, oh so much more than he ever wanted to, and to admit it with such easiness in his heart feels good for a change.  
  
He can feel Seungcheol reaching closer, kissing away his tears, before shyly kissing him in the lips. They move slowly and the sensation is so overwhelming that Jihoon can’t even comprehend all of the feelings that are exploding inside him, firecrackers lighting him up inside out with happiness beyond imagination.

 

There’s a tingling burn in his skin that Jihoon can’t tell apart if it’s another soul marking finding its way into his arms or if it’s just Seungcheol’s delicate touches setting flames inside him.

 

Seungcheol irradiates warmth as he smiles adoringly at him, and Jihoon decides that he doesn’t need to know that now.

 

 

 

**IX.**

_“ **Delphinium** symbolizes big-heartedness, fun, lightness and levity. It also indicates ardent attachment."_

 

 

 

The beginning of spring announces the arrival of yet another flower season. It also hints it's been a year or so since Jihoon met Seungcheol.  
  
And what a year, Jihoon thinks to himself. He definitely has taken more than he bargained for. Sounds like the universe isn't so fond of him having a peaceful and uneventful life.  
  
A delicate sensation in his skin makes him forget about what he’s thinking of temporarily. On uneventful Sunday afternoon like these, when they’re able to spend time together, Seungcheol likes tracing his fingers across the lines of Jihoon's tattoos, contouring all of the flowers he knows and their meaning, deep voice humming a song so calmly, as if he’s lulling Jihoon to sleep. It makes his mind trace back its way to every sensation he felt upon hearing the names of the flowers adorning his skin.

He closes his eyes to reflect a little on everything that happened ever since they met. Little images of things Jihoon remembers half-vividly begin to occupy his thoughts, and his mind takes him to waltz over everything that happened as of late. He thinks about the people that he cares the most through the year as he closes his eyes, recalling important events to himself.

Junhui, he's doing fine. It turned out that the white rose in his chest wasn't there just for decoration. Neither was the dianthus in Wonwoo's left wrist. They're doing well. Jihoon feels more than happy for them, even if he sometimes stays locked out of his apartment when they're too engrossed in each other to open the damn door. Seeing the way Junhui’s eyes gleam with a different light when he’s with Wonwoo, one that isn’t of longing, makes Jihoon feel relieved that they managed to sort things out too.

Soonyoung still hasn't felt a sting at all in his skin, at least that’s what he tells Jihoon. The vivid yellow buttercup sits lonely by itself, right on his left ankle, waiting patiently the arrival of other flowers. He's sure taking his time, but there's no rush needed. Jihoon is amused to believe in his theory that the universe is taking its sweet time to someone that can complement his bright personality and his non-stop ramblings about stars. After all, even if Soonyoung can be an ass of a best friend, Jihoon does think he deserves the best.

He doesn't fight back the smile that spreads softly across his face when he thinks of the next person.

Seungcheol. Seungcheol with his stupid bright smiles and now stupid coconut haircut that Jihoon loves to make fun of every time the opportunity rises. The same person that steals his fries once they're out for burgers is the same person that steals his breath away with every compliment he showers Jihoon with in a (barely successful) attempt of flirting. Seungcheol is always there by his side and his presence makes Jihoon feel strangely safe and at home. One glance towards Seungcheol's eyes - the bright galaxy that he carries in his gaze - is enough to tell him that everything is worth it.

Seungcheol stares back at him so lovingly, as if the universe in his eyes is just a reflection of what he sees currently in front of him and Jihoon thinks that for him, for the stars to keep shimmering in Seungcheol's eyes, he would do anything. Maybe he really has a soft spot for him, after all.

It's not perfect in any means. They still fight, they still cry over silly things like mean words exchanged between salty chips and cheap coffee (they're both crybabies, not that they'd admit), and there's still the guilty feeling in his heart every time Seungcheol shows up in his doorstep two days later with apologies written all over his face, because Jihoon too, has all of the apologies stamped in his expression. Junhui says that they’re stubbornly cute.

They're supposed to cuddle until the sun sets, but the sofa is too small for the two of them lie down side-by-side, which results in Jihoon resting somewhat uncomfortably on the top of the older’s chest. They were supposed just to have a good time watching a movie, but the story is pretty boring, which leads Jihoon not being able to blame Seungcheol of falling asleep halfway through it. Napping right now seems too a good idea, yet any outer noises distracts him. Jihoon can hear dripping from the kitchen sink and he’s sure Seungcheol forgot to properly close the faucet _again_ – but the prickling burn in his skin, right where the inked flowers sit by, along with the fluttering feeling in his stomach, tells Jihoon that it’s okay. It's okay to love someone. He glances at the flowers in his arms, sprawled across a single colored azalea and he smiles at himself.

 

After all, it never had to be perfect in the first place.

 

Not everything is flowers, but Jihoon fits perfectly in Seungcheol’s arms, and he thinks to himself that this is more than enough.

 

 

 

_" **Aster** symbolizes patience. It is also indicative of a love of variety."_

 

 


End file.
